Ever notice that undue stress seems to rob us of civility? Our lack of consideration is most painfully felt in our closer relationships. It’s
amazing how we can be so abrupt (and even mean, sometimes) with those who
matter the most to us.
I was first reminded of my shortcomings many years ago when
I encountered Frank and Esther on the Swing bed unit. Esther was our patient
and Frank visited faithfully several times each day. One day as I prepared to
visit Esther I paused at the door and heard part of a conversation. It was
Frank and he was speaking to Esther so very politely! It was as if he was still
hoping to make a good impression on her! Though they had been married for more
than fifty years (at that point), they still spoke to each other kindly, thoughtfully,
and even “tenderly.” I was impressed and immediately humbled by their example.
Frank must have been reading the first letter of the Apostle Peter:
You
husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since
she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so
that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NAS
The word “as” is an important word. It is a simile and “simile”
is defined as “a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly
compared, as in “she is like a rose.”[1]
Peter’s intent in this verse was not to set up a debate
about which of the genders is stronger or superior. But, rather, what Peter is
trying to say in this passage is that husbands should treat their wives with extra
special respect, deference, and understanding—the same as if their wife
needed or required the extra special attention due to some weakness or
infirmity.
The King James Version uses the phrase “as unto a weaker
vessel” which is a great analogy. In Peter’s day, there were common vessels of
wood and clay, and more treasured vessels of ceramic, stone, metal, and
precious metal. Common vessels were used for everyday things, treasured vessels
were only used occasionally – like the fine porcelain (china) you may have in a
cabinet somewhere. Peter instructs husbands to treat their wives like fine china—not because they are fancy
or delicate or weak, but because they are of such great value.
Peter’s words may be the best marriage advice anyone could
ever give the average guy. But, what does it look like to “live in an
understanding way . . . treating one’s wife with extra consideration?"
Well, first, let’s re-frame our thinking a bit. A wife is more
than a “partner”. She is more than the person who hands tools to her husband;
more than the person who helps move furniture or haul hay. She is more than the
person that runs to the auto parts store at the last minute. She is more than
the person responsible for the kids and the house and the bills and the
groceries and all the other things that may be on the list. She is more than
the person who sits with her man while he watches his favorite movies or
sporting events. She is more than the
person who works two jobs to support her husband’s vision of what life should
be. She may be all of those things; but she is far more. Seeing one’s treasured
vessel as merely a helpful “partner” misses what God had in mind.
A wife is also more than “one’s better half.” She is more
than a conscience or day planner or peace-maker; a wife is more than a cook, companion,
or lover. She is more than a counselor or personal nurse; she is more than one’s
dietician, personal trainer or motivational speaker. Instead, she is a “treasured vessel”; someone
to honor and esteem. She is even someone to serve; someone to whom husbands
should ask, “What are your goals in life and how can I help you get there?”
Perhaps husbands might even ask, “How might I change to best
serve you and our family?”
There is a lot of serving going on in most marriages today,
but often it is very one-sided! Husbands, ask yourself if someone came to your
house to visit –someone you cared for and wanted to impress—would you serve them or expect them to serve you?
It is important to
remember that Jesus desires to be the
authority in our families. Our marriages and families are not simply props to
serve our own needs and whims but are designed to honor Him. Understanding who
we belong to helps us honor one another –and even prefer to serve each other. Scripture
reminds us that we are not created to serve our own needs all the time.
Love
must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one
another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:9, 10 NIV
Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Ephesians 5:25 ESV
And
Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are
considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise
authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be
great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must
be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve,
and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Mark 10:42-45 ESV
May God give us the heart of a servant to enable us to see
and understand the needs of others; and may He give us grace and wisdom to especially
treasure and encourage those He has given to share our lives.
[1]
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/simile
